He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
