2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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