Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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