OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
