Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
