Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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