You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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