glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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