question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
