you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
