And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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