she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
