Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
