I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
