I just pynch a tree in the face
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
