TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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