He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
