it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How's work?
Spinning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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