We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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