The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
