saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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