im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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