Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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