This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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