Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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