Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
