The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
