god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Green mimosas i think yes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
