Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
