Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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