Please, let me fuck your mom
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
