Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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