Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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