i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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