i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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