You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
