where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I won the penis lottery.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize