So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
