turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
