her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
