i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
