She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
