Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
