Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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