You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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