Please, let me fuck your mom
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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