when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
