if i can run in heels then i can drive
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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