He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
tonight lets celebrate not being married
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
