That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
