i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
