we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
