i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You need Xanax blowdarts
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
