Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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