I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
