I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
