Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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