kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
