i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
