Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
two words: eviction party
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
