who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
