we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize