Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
