the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
