someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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