I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
pray to the hookup gods
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
