its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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