just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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