left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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