I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
