I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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