all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize